Inner Guidance | Help for the Parent Seeking to Connect with Your Child

Attachment Healing Center offers help for neglected children and their caregivers as well as help for the parent who is at a loss in finding ways to help their child be less aggressive, more attentive in class and more open to learning how to get along in the family. Often times parents feel more frustrated by the methods they are told to use when trying to turn a child’s behavior around that the parent and child become more and more alienated from one another. This is the exact opposite of what the child and parent want and need.

The Center teaches a neuroscience based approach to meeting the needs of the out of control child. In this scenario it is helpful to know that a person’s brain changes in relation to another brain. In particular, the child’s immature developing brain changes in relation to the adult’s mature regulated brain. By regulated, I mean while the adult is in charge of what is going on they do so in a calm, non-agitated manner. The adult is more matter of fact and simply present. It is the adult’s job to internally be the presence the child needs in order to calm down and listen to what is being asked. Therefore, we see the adult’s role as being the one who is in charge, calm and near the child.

As the adult you want to be near the child so your brain’s regulation can be experienced by your child’s brain. In particular, it is your emotional right brain which will communicate this calmness to the child’s emotional right brain. Sometimes it is helpful not to get pulled into a discussion about the thing the child is upset about.  Instead it is important to focus on getting the child emotionally calm so that they can express themselves in a manner in which they can be heard and you, the calm, kind and in charge adult can listen.

In the end, the one thing all of us want is to be heard and understood. This is best accomplished when we are not in a reactive state.  Both the child and the parent want to be heard by the other. When we feel heard, we are more likely to be open to guidance from another because we have a sense that they understand what our needs and concerns are all about. Sometimes engaging in self regulating techniques can help the adult remain in a calm regulated state.

We at the Center believe all negative behavior, exhibited by children and adults, stems from an inability to get one’s needs met. Sometimes a person is not even in touch with what the unmet need happens to be. The work then becomes helping the individual identify what needs are not being met and then helping them find more functional ways of communicating these unmet needs to another.

Training as well as counseling is provided to help the parent looking for assistance in bringing about change in the relationship between them and their child. There is an online course available for introduction into brain basics that underlie behaviors. The course is designed to provide insight into how to bring about a change in behavior through an understanding of what drives the brain to change. Additionally, the Resources page provides references for reading materials that go into depth around brain development, the emotional brain and relationships.